Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Miss Dependent

I just got done reading an Amazing book called Spoken For by two lovely authors Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Joy Bethke. I loved this book so much that I read it in two days and that's only because the first day I started reading it I had to work the next day and it was getting too late to keep reading! These two women have a beautiful way with words and they painted a beautiful picture of God's love for us. One thing that really stuck out to me was in Chapter five the two authors pointed out how "Society tells us to be independent, self-sufficient, liberated individuals" BUT that is not who or what we were created to be. So in total agreement with these women let me elaborate.

now I know this always makes everyone's head spin but we were created by God (three in one) the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. So reality is that God himself IS relationship and God himself IS love. Now since we were created in the image of God this means that we were designed to be like God. Meaning we are designed to create, to love, and to be in relationship with God and with one another. we were designed to talk to God, to lean on him, to be in trusting relationship and fellowship with him. we cannot live without him because that is simply not how we were designed.

i get really fed up when I see young women going through break up after break up and all they want to talk about is how they really don't need a man or anyone for that matter in their lives to help them succeed or to help them be happy because they are so independent and all they need in life is to love themselves first and be independent so they never get hurt and blah blah blah. sorry I know that's a little harsh but that's how I feel. can we for one minute stop putting that kind of pressure on other humans and lean on our God instead?

listen. we can't depend on humans because well...they are humans and at one point they are going to let you down one way or another. and we certainly can't depend on ourselves because we let people down too we even let ourselves down form time to time now matter how hard we "try" I have been happily married for almost two years now and let me tell you how many times I or my husband have wanted to pull our hair out..but because my husband and I lean into our God and depend on him to get through hard times our marriage has really flourished. we are continually blessed over and over again.

i think a lot of times if jobs don't work out, if boyfriends break up with us, if your friend lets you down we feel unwanted and worthless. is it ok to want to feel wanted and valued? of course! we were designed that way! here is the thing though. we need to understand that this unfailing love and want first comes from Christ. I believe with all my heart that God strategically places people in our lives who love us and want us as well for example our parents, spouses, children. but as soon as someone let us down we automatically want to give up, crawl in a hole, and depend on ourselves and no one else. we want to become completely independent so we don't get hurt. instead of running to our healer.

so I guess what I hope you get out of reading this is that we can never be so independent that we forget to involve Christ. it will lead to heartache and emptiness. and the good news of the day is that God is right behind us. always. and I really mean always. he wants us and loves us. he doesn't think you are worthless he designed you and carefully crafted you to be YOU! so even when we try to do our own thing and go our own way he is in constant pursuit of us. how awesome is that? we have this endless support system from our divine and perfect creator who (get this) will never ever let us down because he loves us THAT much.

so put your dependence in Christ not your boyfriend or girlfriend not your husband or your wife not your children or your parents and certainly NOT yourself

put it all in Christ.

all your baggage all your worried and your fears all your dreams and desires all your wants and needs

he will take it all and mold it into something beautiful

once your life revolves around our never changing God then everything else will fall into place I promise! also in no way am a saying that you should not have human relationships because it is definitely in God's will for us to have relationships and friendships with one another. just don't idolize them and put them above God. if we depend on him first then he will bless all aspects of our lives.

so I dare you to allow yourself to depend on someone other than yourself. to lose your miss independent mentality and to dive straight into the presence of our King. pray for your relationships, for your dream job, for God's will and you will be severely blessed.

so let me leave you with these words of encouragement

we were created by God we belong to God we are destined for God

know that you are wanted by an unfailing love and in that love you can place all your dependence

rest in this truth


Ok you guys I am back. Finally! I was kind of just in the middle of something and I really think I heard the Lord speak to me and he told me that I should start writing again. I love having a blog because it is so easy and casual and I can just share my heart and my thoughts with you guys with no stress or pressure from anyone or anything. I don't have to worry too much about grammar or correct's just ME talking. I want this blog to be about my life and my love for the Lord. I recently was enlightened by a certain author. He said something like this... "Our God deserves all praise in all that we do. So we don't have to restrict our lives to "Christian" music, "Christian" movies, "Christian" books and so fourth." Doesn't our God our Creator deserve so much more praise than just one certain category can provide?! Anyway I love what he said and I think it is so true! So with that being said I want to write about whatever comes to my mind. I love traveling, reading, FASHION, food (definitely food), decorating, and much more this life has to offer. So I will be writing about it all and ALL for the Glory of God. I hope this will inspire you to live and love <3

Sunday, May 19, 2013

on love and finding love

ok so today i want to talk a little bit about love and finding love. i want to talk about my fears when it came to love and the love that Jesus led me to. there was a certain time in my life where i truly wondered if i would ever marry without settling. i never dated much before bryan but i knew that the others just weren't right for me but i was afraid that it was as good as it was going to get. i was certain that i would never find someone who had a relationship with God, someone who was patient enough to put up with me, someone who would change me for the better, and even someone who i was attracted to. in the end it was nothing more than a lack of faith i had in Jesus. when i started to trust him... along came bryan. bryan, bryan, bryan i even just love to say his name :) i have never met someone so perfect to share my laughter with, my fears, my secrets, my life! i am in awe of the person he is and the love that he has for me. everyday he makes me strive to be a better person because well, he's a better person than i am. all my life i have kind of struggled with my temper. when things don't go my way it bothers me and sometimes i can't seem to just shut up about it. now that my parents don't have to deal with it anymore my poor husband does. despite this flaw in me he is constantly here to show me patience and what its like to have a little. i am serious, his patience is unmatched. each time i try to go to bed angry i go to bed smiling instead. on the days that i let anxiety take over he is there to be brave for me. he is there to show me how to be brave and that fear is nothing more than a thought. each time i go to him in tears he holds me until i am laughing instead of crying. he doesn't let me do things like bring work home with me. if i start to bad mouth someone that i can't stand at work he tells me i'm wrong which is sometimes so hard to hear but it is so needed. my husband is so amazing in all of these things that he does but he is also there to just be my best friend. he is hilarious and handsome. he does the sweetest things for me like leaving me little notes or sitting through a two-hour broadway musical with me. and even though he wouldn't believe me if he read this but he makes me feel more and more beautiful everyday. everyday bryan's love for me helps me to understand God's love for me. the fact that God loves me enough to send someone so perfectly fit for me puts my mind in a trance. but the Lord is so faithful and in the world that we live in today you have to have faith IN him. i am telling you that you do not have to settle and that you deserve the best of the best. there is a person that was specifically designed for you and if you put your trust in Jesus and wait upon him these things will come to you when all seems hopeless.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

This Old House

Well another Christmas vacation has come and gone. Tomorrow Bryan and I will head back to Tennessee, back to work. I always find it hard to leave home knowing that I won't be back for another six months to a year. Between this visit and the last my Boppa and Nanna (grandparents) moved to a new house and my parents moved into their house so this is where I have been for the past two weeks. I've been visiting this house for twenty-one years and I LOVE this house. Every time I walk up the stairs my heart smiles. I cant explain it but the front door makes this strange sound when it's opened and there's a few places in the house that creak as you walk over them. There's a room in the house with windows from the floor to the ceiling and the ceiling is so high that it's allowed us to have a nine foot Christmas tree for the past two years! The front of the house looks out to the river and when we were kids, on the way into town my parents would drop us kids off and we would run over the sand dunes that separate the house from that river and my parents would meet us on the other side and we would all go inside together to see Boppa and Nanna! I'm going to have a hard time leaving this time because I don't know the next time that I will be back. Because I am a child living in an adults body these things are always hard for me. So as I swallow this lump in my throat I have to remember that God puts people in our lives and not objects. You know in the sun room, Boppa used to sit in this black leather chair and do crossword puzzles. I haven't seen that chair in years but he still does those puzzle games. My mother is still the most amazing cook no matter whose stove she's cooking on and Hayden can still make me pee my pants laughing weather we are sitting in the family room at home or a random hotel room. I can still share old memories and talk about present life with my dad on a long walk outside and Andrew can still make me smile all the way from afghanistan. I make new memories everyday with Bryan in my little apartment in Tennessee. I love that house but I love the people inside that house even more and I can feel their love for me a thousand miles away. I thank God for these people, for the memories that we made together inside that house, for the memories made outside that house, and the memories TO COME!

God bless you all as you make your own memories in this new year :)

Friday, December 28, 2012

I'm back!!!

Hey everyone! I'm going to pick up this old blog, dust it off, and start writing on a regular basis again! Here's a quick update:
- I'm Married!!! Yes, MARRIED!! Never thought I would say that at age 21 but I am :) to the most handsome, PATIENT (I emphasize the word patient because its my favorite quality that he holds. God knew I was going to NEED a patient man and he pulled through!), sweet, kind, and strong man that I've ever laid eyes on. I love him with my whole heart. He's my best friend!
- We tied the knot in a beautiful, charming little Church in Clarksville, Tennessee on July 28th 2012. It was small (no more than fifty guests) but it was my dream wedding. We had a lovely reception out at a little cabin with a southern style lunch complete with lemonade and fireflies out on the lawn. Sigh I wish I could go back ;)
- I'm still in the army (tired sigh) only two years left! I'm working on my degree in psychology and my husband and I are planning for my future as I make the transition from Soldier to civilian (job wise) time flies so we need a job plan! Bryan however plans to stay in longer which has been discussed and is what we both want. Better him than me haha ;) but on a real note I think it's in Gods plans for right now and when we feel the time is right he will get out too.
- Last but not least before the picture overload... I'm pregnant!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! So soon after our marriage but we couldn't be happier :D I am almost four months along already. It seems like I just found out yesterday! It's been a ride so far I've suffered from pretty bad morning sickness and I'm slowly getting bigger and bigger but when I stop and think that there is life inside me I just can't help but smile. God is good isn't he? What a miracle babies are. I can't wait to meet our little sweet pea!

The invitations!

I searched and searched for the perfect Church to get married in and it proved to be a difficult task for a couple of reasons. One because Bryan and I are already members of a Church a lot of Churches only accept members and two my Dad married us so some Churches wanted their pastor to do it. Somehow I stumbled upon this Beauty built in 1920! The staff was so kind! I didn't have any problems I owe them a huge thanks!

My photographer had me get dressed alone with my mother and then had my bridesmaids and maid of honor all come in and line up with their backs facing me and then all at once had them turn around. This was their first reaction. Don't I have a pretty wedding party?

This is a handkerchief I made for my dad. I just embroidered it the best I could. Looking back I'm so glad I did this. I always, always want my dad to know how SPECIAL he is to me!

Three married women and two to rightfully look up to! My mom and dad have been married for 25 years and my boppa and nanna have been married for 51 years!

For my guest book I put out scrapbooking paper and had our guests write a little something on them and then pin them on some twine using cloths pins. I loves this idea. They are now in a cute little picture book.

My favorite, favorite picture of all time! I am absolutely the happiest girl alive and this picture shows it. I'm blessed. I have no idea why but without a doubt, I am.

* ps. My photographer... Jaymie Jacobson. She was amazing. Is amazing. I could never giver her enough thanks!

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Last Sunday they showed this skit at Church. ive seen the same one a few years ago but i forgot how absolutely powerful it is. it shows us that Christs love for us is unbreakable. he follows us wherever we go, waiting for us to come back to him. through the Lord we are safe, nothing can come against us. just remember that. no matter what you are going through he is RIGHT there waiting to save you. he will never give up on us. so let us not give up on him.

OK OK so maybe its just me but i cant figure out how to put the link on here so if you are interested go to youtube and type in EVERYTHING SKIT and there will be a bunch of different videos you can choose from. but watch it...its powerful.

Friday, March 9, 2012

unconditional love

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of the tree called life which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummmings