Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Learning to Just Breathe

Lately I have been having a really hard time. At work. and at Life. Im really still angry about being stationed in Fort Campbell, even though it was clear to me when I signed up for the Army that my chances of being put in Fort Lewis were slim. Ive also realized that Im really bad at taking some of my own advice. But Im not perfect, non of us are. Well anyways work has been really stressful for me lately and mostly because I put alot of pressure on myself to be perfect. I dont like messing up because Im afraid that I waste people's time because of it, and Im just a private so I really pile that pressure on myself because I dont want to be "that private" I want to be good at my job. I also miss home alot and I havent met alot of friends yet, there was some issues with my car that I bought so Im still not driving and its hard for me to get around. Im just starting to feel very alone and I think I bring it to work with me. Theres times during the day when I literally just have to run down the hall to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall so I can just cry. And if Im not at work stressing about every little thing Im in my room all by myself trying to figure out why God has sent me here. Im the kind of person who says everyday of my life "I dont know what I would do without my family" and its true...I have no idea what to do. I need them less than 2,000 miles away from me. And in two weeks I have to face one of my biggest fears and head to airborne school to jump from planes. I consider myself to be a strong person because I have gotten through alot of crap since I joined the army but for some reason its all starting to take a toll on me but Im doing my best to pull through this rut. Even though I have NO idea why God put me here I know he did it for a reason. I feel like this is just another thing I have to get through, adjusting, I mean. God was with me every step of the way throughout basic training, and throughout my entire life for that matter. So why would I think he wouldnt help me get through this time in my life? I need to learn to let go of my mistakes and learn to not let others get to me.

i can hear him whisper to me "breathe gabrielle just breathe, stay calm and drive on"

i plan on learning to just frickin breathe...

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